I’m feeling very frustrated with myself right now. Nothing I planned to accomplish this weekend (my weekends are on weird days) got done. I think at this point I have a giant ugh-field around the video I had planned to do. (Worrying a lot that I won’t be “good enough,” remembering the things I did wrong in my first attempt, beating myself up about not getting it done earlier or doing it right the first time, thinking there’s no way anyone else even cares and I’m going to look like a self-absorbed jerk.)
But I keep being reminded by various people and groups in social networks to just accept how things are, not beat myself up for not being perfect. And if I stop thinking about what I didn’t do and focus on the good, I think really I had a very good weekend. I got to meet a new friend, walked around my city a bit and found out there’s a library and several stores I’d like to visit within easy walking distance, got a lot of obviously much needed sleep.
So I’ll let myself off the hook a bit. First public video will be Hocus Pocus, I’ll come back to Penny Dora later. Hopefully the fun of dressing up for Halloween and talking about one of my favorite movies will help overcome that “first video” anxiety. And it means I finally get to let myself watch it now! I’d been putting it off till I finished the other video.
Focus for tonight: Good thoughts. No more negativity and self-hate.